Stallone penned the screenplay, which explains why he gets most of the best lines and best scenes. I mean, what’s the point of writing an action vehicle for yourself if you don’t get the best one-liners, right? He gave the rest of them to Jason Statham’s character Lee Christmas, who gets some pretty awesomely manly scenes and dialog, too.

But the action stars aren’t the only man-friendly things this movie has. In fact, Tara and I decided that Stallone probably sat himself down and made a list of Shit Dudes Love and then wrote it all into a script:

• Explosions
• Car chases
• Loud motorcycles
• Explosions
• Loud truck (that sounds like a Harley)
• James Bond gadgets on vehicles (truck and seaplane)
• Hot chicks with jiggly boobs
• Explosions
• Knife experts
• Man-acceptable emotional beats (ex-girlfriend abused by new boyfriend, beat down of old friend, heart-wrenching war stories)
• All-out ass kickings
• Grimacing
• Tattoos
• Explosions
• Women as motivation (“I came for the girl!”)
• Diving away from explosions in slo-mo.
• Snappy one-liners
• Shooting bad guys in half
• Blood spatter
• Explosions (did I mention?)

Tara and I aren’t dudes, but by the end of this movie we suspected our estrogen levels had taken a hit. I worried that I might have started growing a penis. We both had an uncontrollable urge to get tattoos, drive trucks, and blow shit up. Now, we could have remedied this problem by shopping for make up or feminine products, but no. We ended up in a hippie shop. Tie-died clothes, incense, jewelry with pot leaves and peace signs, and bongs. That’s right: Bongs. Being sold right there in the mall in the heart of suburbia. Brightly-colored bongs–or as Tara calls them, fancy vases.

At least now I know where to get my charcoal disks.

For incense.

So, did I like The Expendables? Well, I liked doing instant message “rifftrax” to it with Tara. “Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You waterboarded my girlfriend. Prepare to die.” That’s right, they waterboarded a chick in this movie. How…topical.

I think the one thing I can honestly say I loved about this movie, was the lengths it went to to make it clear that the heroes of this story–real men–respect women. In their world, women are not to be abused or put down, to their faces or behind their backs. The misogynists in this movie were clearly the bad guys. They were depicted as being despicable and NOT MEN. In fact, Stallone’s character even hangs a lampshade on it at one point. This kind of movie is the last place I would have expected to find a “respect women” message, so kudos to Stallone.

But there were some averted man movie tropes, too. Most notably, Our Hero (Stallone’s character) did not, at anytime, attempt to put the moves on the hot chick he overthrew a government to rescue. He hugged her. That’s right, hugged her. Like he was her dad, or something. OK, he’s old enough to be her dad, but still: He’s the hero, and the hero snoggs the girl. Also, there were no naked chicks or sex. None. Nada. I don’t think there was even any kissing at all. But it was made clear that these guys are ladies’ men, because the heterosexuality of the men in man movies must never be in question. Nevertheless, I have to say it was at once disorienting and refreshing to have an absence of naked chicks in a movie targeted at the testosterone crowd. So, I wasn’t always able to predict exactly what would happen in this movie–and that was refreshing, too. Otherwise, it really was pretty predictable.

This must be how guys feel watching a chick flick.

I’d give The Expendables three stars out of five, and that third star is for the anti-misogyny message. Ladies, take your boyfriends/husbands to this one and score yourselves a few points.

Special Features

First, I have to get this off my chest: What in the heck did they do to Sheppard’s hair for the cover of the third season DVD boxed set? Plaster? Hot glue? Shellac? And he looks like he’s about 20 in that picture.  OK, I feel better now.

Mission Directive: Sateda
The inside scoop on the making of the episode Sateda, including the focus on stunts and why the writers felt they needed to do an episode that demonstrated the team’s bond.

Inside the Stargate Atlantis SFX Department
Interviews with the people who make a TV show look like a feature film every single week, and some behind the scenes stuff about their process.

Audio Commentary for No Man’s Land
Producer/Writer Martin Gero and Director/Supervising Producer Martin Wood. They tells us that a goal for season three was to have more character moments and show the gelling of the team. And have awesome action sequences that show off what they can do with a limited effects budget. They also point out the places where they saved money by reusing footage from the second season cliffhanger. This was also the first use of their new Wraith hive set; they like this version so much better. The give props to Joel Goldsmith, who creates the amazing music for the series.

Audio Commentary for Misbegotten
Executive Producer Paul Mullie and Director/Supervising Producer Martin Wood. They discuss the benefit of having the actors talking to each other live when they have scenes with one person in Atlantis and the other at the SGC. They can play off each other. The story is about resolving the moral dilemma from the previous episode (turning a boatload of Wraith into humans). They also talk about how mindful they have to be when writing the Woolsey character to avoid the temptation to make him the guy who always disagrees with our heroes. They tried to make him more interesting. As for Michael, they note how he acts more Wraith-like when he’s interacting with Wraith or talking about being a Wraith, and more human-like when trying to interact with humans.

Audio Commentary for Irresistible
Director/Supervising Producer Martin Wood and Director of Photography Michael Blundell. First, the difficulties of shooting scenes in the puddle jumper. It’s hard to light. Ah, that nice shot outside the jumper window is rear screen projection. Looks convincing. We get a lot of information about lighting and shooting from Mr. Blundell. They both love Richard Kind, who played Lucius. They like the script; I guess somebody had to. Oh, they think we need to look past the “date rape thing” because it wasn’t in the minds of the writers or actors. Sorry. Can’t.

Audio Commentary for Sateda
Executive Producer, Writer and Director Robert C. Cooper and Director of Photography Brendon Spencer. They talk about the set pieces of the episode, which made it a much bigger and more expensive episode than usual. They used certain movies for frame of reference (aww, but don’t tell us which ones). I totally agree with them: This episode was more like a feature film. Mad props to the crew. And mad props to Jason Momoa, the fearless workhorse…or is that, enthusiastic puppy? He was game for anything. Despite all of the action pieces about Ronon, Robert Cooper says the scene that tells what the episode was about is the one with Tayla and John on Deadalus. Cooper blames the writers for the Atlantis team not seeming to gel in the way that SG1 did.

Production Design & Photo Gallery
Self-explanatory.

Ronon does the action hero walk (Photo from GateWorld.net)

Sateda

Written & Directed by: Robert C. Cooper
Guest Starring: Frank Collison (Keturah), Chiara Zanni (Melena), Curtis Caravaggio, Mitch Pileggi (Stephen Caldwell), Alexandra Carter (Linor), Dan Payne (Wraith Leader)

WARNING: SPOILERS ABOUND!

Summary
A Wraith makes Ronon a runner again and hunts him on Ronon’s devastated homeworld of Sateda.

General Impressions
This is Ronon’s day in the sun episode. It’s filled with flashbacks of his life on Sateda before the Wraith came. It’s also the episode where the team proves to Ronon that he really is one of their own and a part of the expedition. I believe this is also the episode in which they introduce leather jackets for our heroes. Yum!

Oh, I love this episode so much!

The Good
Post-apocalyptic Sateda looks fantastic, right down to the desiccated corpses of Ronon’s people. Seeing the dead, who had no one left to bury them properly, just left where they’d been fed on, was a powerful image. What must it have taken for Ronon to take the equipment off of one his fallen comrades for his own use?

The action movie shot: Ronon walking away from an explosion with the flashback PA voice saying, “Sateda will not bow to the Wraith…” Awesome piece of editing. In fact, the editing is amazing throughout. This episode is more like a movie than a TV show.

This is an action episode, but also manages to be a character episode. It also has that good old Stargate dash of humor, mainly from McKay (as usual) and Beckett. “Gluteus Maximus…THAT’S MY ASS!”

The Bad
I can’t decide if this is good or bad, but I’m listing it under bad because the episode does enough to show the team’s loyalty to Ronon; having the characters talk to each other about how loyal they are was a bit heavy handed. Why it might qualify as good is, it’s interesting to hear each character’s perspective on their relationship to Ronon.

The Awesome

Learning about Ronon’s past via flashbacks. It’s nice to see him as more than just “the muscle”, the guy who grunts and shoots. Learning more about him, makes him more sympathetic. We also get a taste of Satedan culture, and see through flashbacks how they fought the Wraith on their last day.

The whole team chips in to save Ronon: Sheppard convinces Caldwell to take them to Sateda in Deadalus. Rodney locates Ronon via the Wraith tracking beacon. Tayla runs and guns with Sheppard to kill the Wraith hunting Ronon. And Beckett kills the super Wraith with a drone and takes the tracking device our of Ronon’s shoulder (again).

On this show, this almost goes without saying, but the effects and music in this episode are simply, indescribably amazing.

Crowning moment of heartwarming: Ronon hugging Beckett for shooting the super Wraith with a drone. Also a crowning moment of awesome for Beckett.

Rating
10 out of 10, despite the lapse into telling, on top of showing.

Michael's human again (Photo from GateWorld.net)

Misbegotten

Written By: Joseph Mallozzi & Paul Mullie
Directed By: Martin Wood
Guest Starring: Connor Trinneer (Michael), Robert Picardo (Richard Woolsey), Scott Heindl (Merrick), Gary Jones (Walter Harriman), Brahm Taylor (Lathan), Mitch Pileggi (Steven Caldwell)

WARNING: SPOILERS ABOUND!

Summary
Since turning one Wraith into a human and lying to him worked so well before, our heroes decide to do the same thing to an entire crew of Wraith…with predictable results.

General Impressions
Wraith are sexy. Wraith turned into humans are still sexy. It must be the hair. I just had to get that off my chest.

The expedition screwed Michael over before, and they’re screwing them over again. Michael is such an interesting character, thanks to well-written dialog and Connor Trinneer’s performance. When he waxes philosophical with Tayla early in the episode, it’s painful. He’s the best thing about this episode, which sets up the trouble Michael will cause the expedition and the Pegasus galaxy later in the series.

The Good
I had issues with what they did to Michael, and I have even bigger issues with them doing it to a crew of Wraith. The difference this time is, I’m not the only one who has issues with it. Most notably, Woolsey calls Sheppard on it, pointing out the obvious: The former Wraith will never be allowed to fully integrate into human society, even if Dr. Beckett can make his treatment work without frequent injections. In this episode, unlike the episode Michael, there are consequences (and I don’t mean the bad wigs on some of the former Wraith). Some of the consequences don’t show up until later in the series, but they start here.

The B story of Woolsey questioning the people in Atlantis to evaluate Weir’s leadership is actually interesting. I like Robert Picardo, and his Woolsey is utterly a bureaucrat. We also get insights into other characters by their reactions to his presence and purpose in Atlantis. Sheppard bristles at Woolsey questioning Weir’s decisions, and Caldwell tells Woolsey point blank that he doesn’t have to answer any questions because he doesn’t answer to the I.O.A.

The Bad
Could they possibly do more to turn Michael against them? First they turned him and the other Wraith in his hive into humans, then they try to nuke them, and then they try to blast them to death from space. Nice job, heroes.

Is Ronon really this much of a one-trick pony? All he ever does is grunt and shoot. And look hot in leather.

When they’re trying to figure out why a hive ship is heading for the planet of former Wraith, why doesn’t anyone suggest the obvious—that the former Wraith are reverting and summoned the hive ship to get them off the planet? I guess sometimes it’s necessary to toss the idiot ball around for the sake of drama.

Again with the “Oh no! They’re all dead! No wait…they’re in the jumper.” Nobody ever dies for keeps on this show.

The Awesome
Connor Trinneer. Period.

Rating
8 out of 10. Consequences are good.

"Not only does the drug make them want to have sex with me, it also makes them want to get boob jobs!" (Photo from GateWorld.net)

Irresistible

Story By: Brad Wright & Robert C. Cooper
Teleplay By: Carl Binder
Directed By: Martin Wood
Guest Starring: Richard Kind (Lucius Lavin), David Nykl (Radek Zelenka), Julia Anderson (Willa)

WARNING: SPOILERS ABOUND!

Summary
A man with a potion that makes him irresistible to others charms everyone in Atlantis except for Sheppard.

General Impressions
Creepiest Atlantis episode ever. So there’s this guy who uses a magic pheromone potion to force a bunch of women to be his wives and concubines—essentially, his sex slaves—and by the end of the show, nobody seems to be too disturbed by this. Not even Tayla or Dr. Weir. What’s wrong with the writers on this show?

The Good
Nice scenery shot through the traveling jumper. It was very convincing. And the town where they find Lucius is very pretty.

Sheppard is saved by a head cold. I wish my head colds could save me from something scary. All mine do is make me miserable.

The Bad
Uh…date rape drug with no consequences, anybody? Nasty. I loathe this episode in more ways than I have the energy to type.

The Awesome
Richard Kind is a tremendous character actor and he’s really funny—and pretty disturbing—in this episode.

Rating
1 out of 10. Sometimes I wonder about the writers on this show, I really do. Date rape drug that everybody seems only mildly embarrassed about, rather than horrified? For real?

The hives are coming! (Photo from GateWorld.net)

No Man’s Land

WRITTEN BY: Martin Gero
DIRECTED BY: Martin Wood
GUEST STARRING: Connor Trinneer (Michael), Robert Picardo (Richard Woolsey), Kavan Smith (Lorne), Tamlyn Tomita (Shen Xiaoyi), David Nykl (Radek Zelenka), Gary Jones (Walter Harriman), Brahm Taylor (Lathan), Scott Heindl (Merrick), Christopher Heyerdahl (Male Wraith), Andy Maton (Chapman), Mitch Pileggi (Steven Caldwell), Beau Bridges (Hank Landry), Andee Frizzell (Wraith Queen)

WARNING: SPOILERS ABOUND!

Summary
Two hive ships are en route to Earth, John Sheppard is M.I.A., and Ronon and Rodney are set to be Wraith fodder. Will the Wraith reach Earth? Is this the end for our heroes?

General Impressions
Rodney and Ronon are prisoners aboard a hive ship on its (long, laborious) journey (that will probably take weeks, what with the stops the hives need) to Earth, giving our heroes ample time to figure out how to stop them. Or the IOA to think Dr. Weir needs to come to Earth for a grilling in the middle of a crisis. Or the Deadalus to catch up to them. Or Michael to resent being treated like a second class Wraith and tell Sheppard where to shoot (you didn’t really think Sheppard was dead, did you?).

The Good
Ronon’s hot when he’s all imprisoned and stuff. Oh, who am I fooling? He’s hot all the time. Someone tell the Wraith they need to rip his shirt off before feeding on him. Make him snarl some more and fling his dreds around. Ronon flexing his muscles = Good. Ronon have hidden knives and cutting his way out of the human-holder just to shut Rodney up. OK, he was escaping, but he really did seem to want to shut Rodney up.

Lots of Zalenka. Lots of Caldwell. Lots of Connor Trinneer.

Rodney downloads porn. I thought Rodney was dating someone? Does that make any difference?

The Bad
This entire enterprise was ill conceived on the Wraith’s part. Even with upgraded hyperdrives how long can it take those hives to get to Earth, and how many stops do they need to make. Did they pack enough food? What happens when they run out of humans? Do they turn cannibal? If so, what do they think they’re going to do with two overtaxed hive ships with depleted, hungry crews? Can they get past the Ori ships that are in our galaxy trying to convert the masses? How about the Goa’uld? The Jaffa? The Lucian Alliance? Earth warships? And what do a couple of boatloads of Wraith think they’re going to accomplish against more than six billion well-armed, far-from-docile humans?

And why are we so afraid of two hive ships that we can summon allies to help us destroy? Or of two hives ships of Wraith vs. the armed forces of dozens of nations? I had trouble taking this peril seriously. Perhaps if there was evidence that those hives shared their knowledge with the others, and the others were also on their way to Earth. That would be totally scary.

After all the time we’ve invested in this series, painting the Wraith as extremely intelligent and clever, we have them head for Earth in two hive ships. Two hive ships that have to stop a lot along the way because they’re organic technology and have to recover from each jump, leaving them vulnerable to interception at several points along the way by Earth warships, which are faster than they are. Not to mention the issue of provisions. Where do the Wraith think they’re going to get more humans in the long, dark stretch of (probably) uninhabited space between galaxies?

Me? I want to see the Wraith get to the Milky Way galaxy only to have the Ori fleet shoot them out of the heavens when they refuse to accept the path of Origin and prostrate themselves for seven hours a day chanting, “Hallowed are the Ori!” That would fun. Or maybe a Wraith will try to suck the life out of a host, only to have Goa’uld symbiote jump into its hissing mouth and take control over it. Or maybe… Sorry. I just don’t understand why everybody gets all worked up over one or two hive ships heading for Earth. Don’t even get me started on the series finale.

Boy am I tired of people in charge being half-wit, confrontational jerks in the Stargateverse.

What? Sheppard is the only person on Deadalus capable of flying an F-302? Really?

Michael saves their bacon, and they’ll still screw him over in the next episode. Sometimes I really hate us.

The Awesome

Oh what a gorgeous space battle! I love what drones do to an enemy ship. It’s so pretty. Not to mention that amazing view of the galaxy (Milky Way? Pegasus?) from the dead-in-the-water Deadalus.

Space battle! (Photo from GateWorld.net)

Dr. Weir eating the IOA for breakfast, and General Landry knowing it. Go, Elizabeth! Elizabeth trusting Tayla once again to mind the shop while she’s on Earth. I’m glad at least someone in the expedition remembers Tayla’s leadership skills.

Major Lorne getting a command and being a hero. Yay Lorne!

Rating
7 out of 10. I can’t let go of my inability to take two hives ships seriously as a threat. But points for an awesome space battle and all hands on deck! Good to see Stargate Command again.

Special Features

Profile on Paul McGillion
It was weird listening to the interviewees say how awesome Paul McGillion is, and what an important character he is…knowing that they’re going to kill his character Dr. Beckett off in the next season. Oh, but it’s Stargate, so nobody really stays dead, and they bring him back in season 4. Nevertheless, this is a really funny profile, especially the time devoted to the kiss between McGillion and David Hewlett in Duet.

Audio Commentary for Coup D’etat
Martin Wood, Martin Gero and David Hewlett. Apparently this episode was a pain to write because the desired actors weren’t available. Then Colm Meaney became available, and it was a go. This episode also had the longest tease in Stargate history at more than 7 minutes. Remember that scene with the photos of the team members that have the Ancient gene? Apparently the producers really had to fight to get those pictures in there. I loved the pictures. Martin Gero had a cameo in the infirmary scene. Who knew?

Audio Commentary for Michael
Martin Wood and Peter DeLuise. They love Connor Trinneer (who doesn’t?) Trivia: Connor Trinneer is not from Texas, he just did the accent really well here and on Enterprise. He’s actually from Washington state. There’s a lot of geeky director talk in this commentary. Fortunately, Peter DeLuise got his father Dom’s sense of humor. It’s cute how they try not to give away the secret of the episode while doing the commentary. They tell us the actors didn’t like lying to the Michael character, and each of them came to director Martin Wood with concerns about how the lying and pretending, except for Jason Momoa, who totally got that Ronon just doesn’t like Michael. Period. So he doesn’t care about lying to him.

Audio Commentary for Inferno
Peter DeLuise and Gary Jones (who’s on Stargate SG1). Oh good, Peter answers the question of why Gary does commentary on Atlantis episodes…sort of. I would rather have had one of the actors, maybe. OMG, the guy who played the leader of the volcano people played a bunch of different dads on 21 Jump Street! Who knew? And the volcano lady was in Baywatch Hawaii with Jason Momoa and was in SG1 and Andromeda.

Audio Commentary for Allies
Andy Mikita, Martin Gero, David Hewlett and Mars the dog. If you want to see more of David Hewlett and Mars the dog, rent the movie A Dog’s Breakfast. It’s awesome, you’ll love it. They agree that the effects in this episode are amazing. Is it just me, or does Stargate pull out all the stops for the mid-season and end of season cliff hangers? Wow, the guy who supposed to be Wraithified Michael is NOT being played by Connor Trinneer, because Connor’s wife was scheduled to have a baby, and he didn’t want to miss it (awwwww). So they got another actor to put on the makeup, and Connor came in to do the voice later.

Production Design & Photo Gallery
Pictures. Woo.

A Wraith Queen in Atlantis (Photo from GateWorld.net)

Allies

WRITTEN BY: Martin Gero
DIRECTED BY: Andy Mikita
GUEST STARRING: Brent Stait (Michael), Connor Trinneer (Voice of Michael), David Nykl (Zelenka), Mitch Pileggi (Caldwell), James Lafazanos (Wraith Scientist / Man), Andee Frizzell (Hive Queen), Chuck Campbell (Technician), Kirby Morrow (Daedalus Tech), Sheri Noel (Lab Assistant), Trevor Devall (Voice of Hermiod)

WARNING: SPOILERS ABOUND!

Summary
Michael brings his hive to Atlantis with a plan to alleviate the Wraith’s food shortage problems by using Dr. Beckett’s retrovirus to turn other Wraith into humans.

General Impressions
This season two finale has an interesting premise: Wraith using Dr. Beckett’s retrovirus to turn other Wraith into humans and feed on them instead of natural humans—until this particular hive has destroyed all of their enemies, that is. I guess it was inevitable that a Queen who met Michael would see the advantage the retrovirus might give them. Also, the premise of seeking it made a great foot-in-the door to get the location of Earth out of Atlantis’ database. Sneaky.

A Wraith queen in Atlantis…I just love it. She’s so sinister and graceful and she walks around like she owns the place. Andee Frizzell is so gorgeous. It was also good to see Michael again so soon. He’s a compelling character, and it seemed to me from his conversation with Tayla that he has a thing for her. This will be further developed as the series progresses.

The Good
Clever, ruthless Wraith, seeing the usefulness of turning other Wraith into humans to alleviate the food shortage–but that really being Plan B, with Plan A being getting the location of Earth.

Michael tips off the expedition to his hive’s real goal in coming to Atlantis the first time he contacts them and tells them that the hives awoke prematurely because they thought a rich new food source had been discovered (Earth), but that their efforts to find it had proven difficult. By the end of the episode, it becomes clear that what they really wanted was the location of Earth. Nice foreshadowing.

The horror everyone but the Wraith have when the queen feeds on the newly-made human who used to be one of her own Wraith surprised me a little. He used to be a Wraith. I don’t know if I could have accepted a newly-former Wraith as a human like myself so easily. It was different with Michael because they’d had him convinced for a few days that he was one of them, but this guy was just Wraith to human then fed on to death. I was not surprised, however, that Michael had trouble watching the feeding. There but the grace of God went him, so to speak.

Glorfindel, is that you? (Photo from GateWorld.net)

It was kind of creepy the way the queen sexily ran her hand up the new human’s body, then caressed his cheek before feeding on him. The poor, innocent (hot) thing didn’t see it coming. But, damn he was sexy. Kind of like a Tolkien Elf.

As an aside, I really love the sound the engines of the smaller Wraith ships make. They sound like race cars.

The Bad
Tayla and I seem to be the only ones who noticed the foreshadowing about Michael’s real motive in coming back to Atlantis not being what everybody else thinks it is. They should listen to Tayla; she’s pretty smart.

The Awesome
Getting to know Wraith as individuals, not just as enemy mooks. The expedition interacts with a queen and works with a Wraith scientist (who’s dreadfully cool). We realize we can actually work with the Wraith to accomplish a goal, even if it does go sour.

Those space battles sure are beautiful. The special effects are amazing, and those hives look great close up.

Kudos once again for a tremendous score. The music in the wake of the last space battle in the episode, when they think Sheppard is dead and can’t figure out why the hive ships jumped away from the battlefield when they had Deadalus dead to rights is heart pounding. The music under the scene where the Wraith scientist is revealing their destination to Rodney and Ronon, and the music under the To Be Continued card is appropriately filled with dread and danger. I really can’t overstate the awesomeness of the music in the Stargate franchise.

Cue dramatic music (Photo from GateWorld.net)

I like how the Wraith queen always seems to look to Dr. Weir for confirmation every time the male members of the expedition want an answer to a question or agreement to a plan. She knows who’s in charge. I wonder if Wraith have more respect for female human leaders than male leaders, since Wraith are lead by females? Just a thought.

Rodney and Hermiod working together is fantastic. Two great, big egos, each convinced he is the smarter of the two and the one who solved the problem.

Your assistance will be noted (Photo from GateWorld.net)

Rating
9 out of 10. Wraith character development, Rodney vs. Hermiod, and space battles.

The Teranis Stargate gets sucked into a super volcano (Photo from GateWorld.net)

Inferno

WRITTEN BY: Carl Binder
DIRECTED BY: Peter DeLuise
GUEST STARRING: Kevin McNulty (Chancellor Lycus), Brandy Ledford (Norina), David Nykl (Radek Zelenka), Mitch Pileggi (Colonel Caldwell)

WARNING: SPOILERS ABOUND!

Summary
Sheppard’s team comes to the aid of a people who live in an Ancient facility built into a volcano that chooses their visit to erupt. Oh, and they have an Ancient warship.

General Impressions
First of all, I’ll just get this off my chest: I love Norina’s lavender dress. There, I said it. Her frock is adorable.

Nice frock! (Photo from GateWorld.net

This episode had a lot of strong science and a lot of McKay, which always makes for a good episode in my book, especially when the poor guy is trying to score with a hot woman who (like most of the women on this show) has the hots for Sheppard.

The Good
It’s so much fun when Rodney talks like a documentary. I’m fascinated (and frankly terrified) by the super volcano under Yellowstone National Park. If that thing goes, I can kiss my country—and my life—goodbye. So here’s hoping it stays quite for a few thousand years more.

Way to go with the science. I geeked out throughout this episode.

The conversation between Weir and Sheppard about Rodney’s attempts to hook up with the hot Taranan scientist lady is hilarious:

SHEPPARD: Uh, I’m gonna get back there now–uh, make sure he’s not distracted.

WEIR: Distracted?

SHEPPARD: Ah, well, the lead scientist, uh, she’s very, um…

WEIR: … hot?

SHEPPARD: I was gonna say attractive. But McKay is acting very, uh…

WEIR: … smitten?

SHEPPARD: I was gonna say pathetic.

WEIR: Wait. I should head back with you and begin negotiations with the Taranan leader. What’s he like?

SHEPPARD: Oh, you know. He’s a guy. Didn’t pay much attention. Sorry!

The Bad
Oh, another bull-headed leader who thinks the folks from the expedition have a devious plan to take his stuff, and a pack of ignorant natives who refuse to believe big earthquakes and the air full of ash can possibly hurt them. Maybe I’m spoiled by my own world, but are people really that stupid? At least the bull-headed leader apologized and let us borrow his snazzy Ancient warship.

As usual, I’m bothered by aliens speaking English and by the notion that our Earth tech can interface with any alien tech it comes across. I cringe every time I see Rodney plug his laptop into any Ancient or Wraith computer he comes across.

The Awesome

The special effects are amazing. The Stargate being consumed by lava looked so cool. And I loved the look of the Orion, especially the bit where it gets ejected from the planet by the eruption. It’s practically Steampunk. Oh, and that view of the super volcano from space is spectacular and demonstrates just how huge it is.

The super volcano from space (Photo from GateWorld.net)

The jeopardy just keeps getting ramped up with the Stargate getting buried, the groups getting cut off from each other, the volcano sending aftershocks throughout the base, the people in the Orion and the base being shielded from Deadalus’ transporters, the base sealing the doors, leaving the people trapped. Oh, and there’s a Wraith ship on its way to Atlantis. It just keeps going from bad to worse in classic Stargate fashion. Awesome!

Jules Verne designed this ship! (Photo from GateWorld.net)

Rating
8 out of 10. Rodney, fantastic special effects, and a Steampunky ship.

Y'all?! What the hell?! (Photo from GateWorld.net)

Michael

WRITTEN BY: Carl Binder
DIRECTED BY: Martin Wood
GUEST STARRING: Connor Trinneer (Michael Kenmore), Claire Rankin (Dr. Kate Heightmeyer), Doug Chapman (Sgt. Cole), James Lafazanos (Male Wraith)

WARNING: SPOILERS ABOUND!

Summary
An amnesiac Lieutenant has dreams that he’s a Wraith, only to make a terrible discovery about his identity.

General Impressions

They even gave him a fake family. (Photo from GateWorld.net)

I’m of two minds about this episode. On the one hand, it’s really amazing. On the other hand, it’s moral dissonance from the word Go. Our so-called heroes are more like anti-heroes in this episode, and the worst part for me was that it was Beckett and Weir—usually the conscience of the expedition—who lead the charge on this one. When I realized what was really going on, it almost made me physically ill. If it had been the Wraith doing something similar to a human, our guys would have condemned them as the worst possible monsters.

It’s an amazing story with an awesome premise, but at the same time it’s so evil and so very cruel. I sympathized with Michael all along and continued to do so in almost all subsequent episodes he appears in until season four when the evil seed our team plants in this episode bears the most horrifying fruit.

The Good
It’s hard to call anything about this episode merely “good” when it’s really awesome from start to finish, so I’ll note the two bad things I noticed then move on.

The Bad
How did they get a former Wraith to have a Texas accent? And why does Sheppard think the Wraith want to kill all humans when that would mean starving themselves to death? And no one corrects him on this belief.

The Awesome
Connor Trinneer. He is simply amazing. His struggle to get his (invented) life back and his reaction when he learns the truth is pitch perfect. I feel everything Michael is feeling: His struggle to fit in, to make up with Ronon, and his outrage and betrayal when he learns the truth of what his so-called friends did to him. It’s simply horrifying, and when he confronts the people who turned him into another race and lied to him, I’m with him all the way.

Watching members of the team beginning to doubt their course of action and wavering in their resolve. The first scene Rodney has with Michael, he looks like he’s going to lose it…but then we see the research on Michael displayed on his notebook screen, and the main reason for his discomfort becomes clear. Tayla is the next to question the rightness of what they’ve done to Michael, and then there’s Ronon, who doesn’t even try to pretend Michael isn’t really a Wraith. Near the end, Michael thanks Ronon for being the only person who didn’t lie to him.

Looking back on the episode after I found out what Michael really was, and what the team did to him—right down to providing him with an imaginary family and friends, photos and all—I think the interesting thing for me was what each person Michael interacts with does to maintain the lie that he’s human and one of their own people, and how their facades broke down. Tayla tries to be his friend and make him feel more comfortable, but her conscience troubles her. Sheppard is standoffish and distrustful, but passes it off as something the Wraith did to Michael that makes him potentially dangerous. Sheppard feels no remorse at all, and even tries to justify what his people did to Michael. Rodney is always awkward socially, so it’s no surprise that his conversation with Michael is stiff and nervous. He’s on board with the idea of using the humanizing drug as a bio-weapon. Doctors Weir, Beckett and Heightmeyer are professional and reassuring, but where Beckett and Heightmeyer start to question whether what they did was right, Weir clings to her belief that they did nothing wrong.

Poor Michael thinks he has a home, friends, family, a place where he belongs and has just forgotten it because of something the Wraith did to him. In fact, as he tells Tayla, it wasn’t the Wraith who did the capturing, it was the humans. Michael voices my own feelings throughout the episodes and says all the things I wanted to say to the team (or rather shout at them then slap them around a bit). It’s really sickening the way they keep treating Michael like he’s just a thing, and being a Wraith like a disease that needs to be cured (as Michael puts it).

Make. My. Day. (Photo from GateWorld.net)

Beckett and Weir trying to justify themselves to Michael is sickening. They had no right to do what they did to him, and Michael tells them so to their faces. And then Sheppard talking about deploying it as a biological weapon, and everybody but Ronon thinking that sounds fantastic.

When even Tayla jumps on the “it’ll make your life better” bandwagon, Michael calls her on it. He’s right on all counts. His scene with Tayla, calling her and her comrades on just how morally wrong what they did is, is simply fantastic. It’s tense and heartbreaking and dead-on. In fact, I loved all of his scenes with Tayla, and it gets even better as the series progresses, right up until the bitter end between them. Oh, and Tayla gets to be awesome in this episode  when she dares Michael to feed on her when he starts turning back into a Wraith.

In the end, even Beckett seems to be having doubts, which I was happy to see. But it really, really bothered me that most of the team refused to even question that what they did was wrong. Oddly enough, the way it makes me so angry and frustrated is part of what made it a good episode.

The shot directly after the scene in which Michael discovers he’s really a Wraith says it all: Atlantis is shrouded in the same kind of mist that haunts hive ships. It’s a subtle way of showing that our heroes have become like the Wraith, treating their enemy like an animal and feeling no remorse for it. I don’t even feel bad when Michael takes what he knows about Atlantis straight to the Wraith. Karma’s a bitch, ain’t it?

Atlantis as hive. (Photo from GateWorld.net)

Rating
10 out of 10. Connor Trinneer and buckets of moral dissonance for the win.